Sasuke Speak
by Cherryoncake
Summary: In which Sasuke teaches his one-year-old daughter to talk like him and Sakura is mortified, starting with the word "Hn". Sasusaku. Oneshot.


**Summary: **In which Sasuke teaches his one-year-old daughter to talk like him and Sakura is mortified, starting with the word "hn". Sasusaku. Oneshot.

**Notes:** I'm torn as to whether Sasuke will make a good parent. In my mind, he just seems to be a person more attuned to work than domesticity. Then again, he might simply be like Fugaku, all cold and stern but ultimately loving and funny. Just imagine all the humour scenes of Sasuke flustering over a child while Sakura's out or something xD

"Sayuri" is the name I used for Sasuke and Sakura's daughter back in my other one-shot _Replica_, so I'm going to keep using it here, but it doesn't mean that this one-shot precedes _Replica_ or is any part of its storyline, alright?

I'm educated slightly in linguistics, so I'm writing based on what I know (or what I think I know?) on the part of how children acquire their first language. Don't hit if it's wrong!

**Disclaimer:** I don't own any characters created by Kishimoto.

* * *

Uchiha Sayuri is almost one year old, the age when babies start to learn how to talk properly.

Which is why the Uchiha couple has taken their day off of missions (Sasuke) and hospital duty (Sakura), since they have a more important objective at hand: teach Sayuri basic vocabulary.

As Sayuri is their first child, it's not like either of them has any experience educating infants the magical code that is language, but Sasuke thinks it should be relatively simple, with a book to help them and all.

"Kaa!" Sayuri's black eyes shine with excitement (with that, Sasuke thinks with a deep sense of achievement how the Uchiha black-eye trait has managed to dominate Sakura's, but is slightly disgruntled at the idea of how the other Uchiha gene, the dark-hair trait, has been completely obliterated by cotton candy pink hair. He secretly fears for his coming sons. They _can't _meet the world with pink hair, just…no).

Sayuri swings her arms enthusiastically about, obviously very happy that her parents, who are normally very busy people, are playing with her more today, and is unaware of the significance of the events that are about to transpire.

"Let's see…" Green eyes scan quickly over the pages of _101 Ways to Teach Infants How to Speak_.

_All infants learn their first language according to a maturational schedule. During the first few months of life, your child may make cooing, vowel sounds that are largely incoherent _("Check")… _As time progresses, a child may resort to babbling, which is a string of consonants and vowels combined, like "ba-ba-da-da", as a result of the child's attempts to speak _("Check that too…")_. At roughly the age of ten to twelve months, your child should be able to produce more nasal sounds and one-word utterances… _

_Teaching your child basic vocabulary  
Step 1: Prepare easy-to-get, identifiable tools_

Right. That they've done. In front of the family are a few objects: Sayuri's favourite toy train, a cat doll, and the Uchiha fan. For the time being, three is enough, and they can always get more later if things go well.

_Step 2: Use the tools and pronounce the names of the tools slowly  
Note: May require repeated attempts before the child learns._

"Sasuke, what we're going to do is pronounce the names of the objects to Sayuri slowly, see?" Sakura points to the passage in the book.

"For a few times," he adds, nodding. Since Sayuri is an Uchiha and Uchiha have superior genes, there's no way for her to take long to learn everything, right?

"Yes, Sasuke. Let's start with this."

Deciding to go with Sayuri's favourite toy first, Sakura picks up the train. It immediately catches Sayuri's attention and she yaps for it, hands outstretched.

"Sayuri, it's a train! Tr-ain." Sakura exaggerates the pronunciation for her daughter to hear.

"Chaa!"

"Train. Tr-ain."

"Cha-cha!"

Sasuke's mouth twitches with amusement. Sakura will probably hit him if he makes fun of her.

"It's not working." After a few tries, Sakura sighs in exasperation and puts down the train, which Sayuri makes a grab for. Knowing he hasn't done anything contributive yet, Sasuke picks up the book and flips the page to a new section.

_Step 3: If Step 2 is unsuccessful, simplify the words into speech comprehensible to your child, e.g. "hi-hi" instead of "hello", "moo-moo" instead of "cow".  
Note: Consider sounds that resemble the tools at hand, or reduplicated terms._

"Sakura. Here." He jabs a finger at the passage for her. Do they seriously need to do this? Sakura reads it and quickly nods.

"I see, I suppose it makes perfect sense…Here Sasuke," Sakura puts the cat doll his hand. "Try and do what the book says."

"…No." There's no way in hell he's going to pronounce disgusting sounds like _poo-poo_ and _choo-choo_.

"Come on!"

"You do it."

"If you don't, your daughter won't be able to speak for life. Tell her it's a 'meow-meow' and we'll go from there."

Sasuke rolls his eyes. Clutching the cat doll, he slowly brings it to Sayuri's attention. Sasuke wets his lips and clears his throat.

Breathe in, breathe out. Easy. He's been taught how to speak – _not_ that he remembers himself pronouncing these baby words, hell, forget _cat_, he probably nailed the term_ Felis catus_ on his first try – and it's now his turn to teach his daughter how to speak. It's just a word, right? A word for communication, though whoever uses _meow-meow _in daily conversation must've been a pedophilic gay. Right, a word for communication – a very humiliating, disgusting, ugly word that makes him sound as un-Uchiha as he ever can be.

Sasuke holds the cat doll closer to Sayuri, whose eyes are fixed on the toy in front of her, her train forgotten.

Sasuke's lips purse in anticipation of the pronunciation.

_Meow-meow, meow-meow, meow –_Oh, forget it.

"Hn." With an indignant grunt, Sasuke turns his head sideways, blatantly refusing to torture his vocal tracts with such humiliation.

"Hng!" Sayuri claps her hands, points at the cat doll and laughs. "Hng! Hng!"

Sakura is horrified. Sasuke did _not_ teach their daughter the unintelligible, anti-social language that is Sasuke speak. "No, Sayuri, it's a kitty! A meow-meow! Meow-meow, as in…um, meee-, and then -ooww…"

"Hng!"

"Sasuke, she's repeating after you! Look at what you've done!" Sakura glares accusingly at the father, who doesn't seem to even think it's a problem.

"Sayuri doesn't need to learn that term." Sasuke talks of the word _(meow-meow)_ Sakura almost made him pronounce as if it were foul language. Which it isn't, but it should be. "Let's try the next one."

"You sound as if it isn't a problem she uses 'Hng' to refer to cats now!" Sakura crosses her arms, huffing with irritation while Sasuke takes the toy train and holds it close to Sayuri.

"Aa," Sasuke replies. Of course, as long as Sayuri doesn't use the word which shall not be uttered by Uchihas. It's practically a sin to let_ that_ escape one's lips.

"Aaa!" Sayuri picks up on Sasuke's offhanded remark, chuckles and grabs her favourite toy train, all the while using Sasuke's hand to push the train back and forth on the wooden floor. "Aaa!"

Sakura resists the strong urge to slap her forehead in frustration. She doesn't know what to be more infuriated with: the fact that Sayuri listens to her father more than to herself even though _she's_ the one who spends more time with her daughter, or the fact that Sayuri's being very obedient to her father but _he's teaching everything wrong_.

A terrible image comes to Sakura's mind as she fears for the family conversations she can no longer take part in. During their family walks, Sasuke will point at a cat and say "Hn" while Sayuri replies with another "Hn". Then Sayuri will ask questions like "Aa?" and Sasuke will answer with a different "Aa" which sounds identical to the question except for the intonation but is supposed to suffice for an answer. Sayuri will only be able to converse with her father and she, the mother, who children are supposed to get more attached to, will become the third wheel of the family. _This cannot happen._

"…One word." Taking a deep breath, Sakura calms herself. "We'll teach her one word today. That's progress. You can pronounce Uchiha, can't you, Sasuke? We'll teach her how to pronounce her clan name and that's it for today."

Sasuke shifts his attention from his daughter to his wife and contemplates the plan. Yes, teaching Sayuri how to pronounce _Uchiha_ is important, since she'll need to learn how to pronounce her own name and feel the pride that comes with being an Uchiha. Deciding to comply for once, Sasuke obediently puts the cat doll and the toy train away, leaving only the Uchiha fan on the floor. He gives it to Sayuri.

"Uchiha."

"Aaa?"

"U-chi-ha."

"Uwah!" Sayuri sounds like she's been punched in the gut and is feeling happy about it.

"Listen to me, Sayuri. U-chi-ha." The two pairs of black eyes lock: Sasuke's burn with determination, and Sayuri's with sheer curiosity, her laughter now subdued. Sakura notices how strongly Sayuri takes after her father's appearance.

"OO…sha."

"Getting close. Focus more. U-chi-ha."

"…Oo-shia," Sayuri says with utmost concentration, as if the term were magical, like _Open Sesame_.

* * *

It took a while, but Sayuri finally manages to pronounce _Uchiha_, although a bit shakily. Then again, it's hard to not get the hang of it when the father keeps repeating it again and again.

After having a light dinner and putting Sayuri to sleep, Sakura lets herself fall back on the bed, totally exhausted. Her mother didn't tell her teaching children how to speak is this difficult, but at least Sayuri learned a new word today, and Sakura's content with doing it one step at a time.

Sasuke opens the door and comes in, his dark locks wet and drooping, which tells Sakura he's already taken a shower. Sakura pats the place beside her, and Sasuke sits down after getting a towel from one of the drawers to dry his hair.

"Tired?"

"A little bit. You could've been more co-operative," Sakura pouts. "Now we'll have to do it again tomorrow."

"Hn."

"Actually, I'm surprised you had that much patience to deal with it at all. But I guess teaching your daughter how to say _Uchiha_ for two hours straight is one of your few exceptions," Sakura's pearly laugh echoes in the room, and Sasuke feels the tip of his ears go red with embarrassment.

"Shut up."

* * *

**A/N:** How I love Sasuke's character and the fun that comes with toying with his emotions xD For those who don't know, and I mentioned this in _Replica_ before, "Sayuri" means "small lily". And for your information, Sasuke and Sakura are living in the old Uchiha household. Read and Review!


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